Movement of the Durn One

It's been, oh, WAY too long since I've posted here, but in case anyone's still checking, you really need to check out the new DurnMoose Journal at http://www.durnmoose.com/. The Blog is currently the most active part of the site, but there are big plans, yes BIG plans to come :) Seriously, it's a great read with content updated daily.

I'm particularly taken with the Shorter the destination serial story...

MM - Sermon savior

My son is wont to try and go to sleep during the sermon at church on Sunday's. Rainy day, sunny day; boring or interesting sermon; small or large breakfast; grippers or boxers; it doesn't matter, he wants to sleep through the thesis of the morning.

His Mother and I have tried a number of strategies to get him to pay attention, and have given up on that in deference to simply finding ways to keep him awake. After all, it's somewhat embarrassing to hear the snoring over the listening. And today was no different... until...

As if suddenly pounded by a 30-mph sub-freezing zephyr, I was struck by a clarity of direction that I knew would work for today, and I wasn't let down. There is one current event, a recent revelation, that needed input and skill the likes of which my son (and even my daughter, whom I KNEW wouldn't leave this alone without contributing herself) was particularly inclined toward.

Given that my kids always bring spiral notebooks to write on in church (hey, at 11 and 9 my objective is simply to keep them there without obnoxious wailing), I pulled my son's out from under his hunched over shell of a conscious self, jerking him into annoyed awareness. Opening his pen, I wrote....

Draw me a picture of a NEW superhero, "Mighty Mike" - blaster of PADs! PADs = Predatory Antigood Dudes!

This was big. And important! You see, my son's Godfather (who should remain nameless to protect his public identity [but I won't - Michael Laws]) had recently revealed to a few of his closest confidants that he, in fact, was a latter-day Superhero of epic proportion, recently bestowed of the name Mighty Mike.

He's not, of course, possessed of the same constitution as Bob the father in The Incredibles - after all, Bob had a slight eating disorder and slightly-too-strong chin. No, MM was rather more of a clandestine and reluctant superhero, in the vain of Batman without the bright, outgoing personality...

But MM didn't have a look, an image, a sense of couture! This, must be remedied, and my son during this church sermon was the man for the task. Well, ok, and so was my daughter, who at that moment was leaning clearly too far into my son's personal space for his usual liking, but he let it go this time because he was enthralled with the assignment.

Time was not wasted; ideas were not considered: an immediate moment of brilliant insight produced the below from my son, master of that process called thinking outside the box...


Behold the Grandness of his image! The esteem with which MM is so obviously held! There's no human image in which the great MM shall appear to evil-doer's and raw PADs ... only a 4-armed multi-segmented insect body with fanged teeth and a quick draw will suffice! He's now left searching for appropriate vendors for the tights, who can accommodate appropriately the rather enlarged feet , the source of which seems the only detail left to the imagination.

My daughter, on the other hand, found this rendition something short of the greatness due this mighty greatness, and proffered the below.

Despite her understandable misreading of the instructions in thinking that the superhero was "Mighty Milk" (perhaps apropos in some situations, but that's not a topic for this missive), she delivered a - powerful -image too. From the threateningly slender toe-like appendages to the no-corner-too-square head-covering, this is obviously NOT a superhero to be dismissed. HE BLASTS PADS! Never a more true statement has been uttered.

And with this most important issue completely covered, with a respect and reverence appropriate to the subject, the sermon ended. Multiple missions accomplished, smiles on all faces, and everyone awake, we made our way to the hymnal...

New Miser sighting

Here we go ... a website to honor a REAL American classic, which happens to demonstrate what Don King must be trying to emulate, the Heat Miser...

Definitely better than Camilla...

Even this guy does a better Heat Miser than Camilla... (props to the Moose for the alert)

Charles, R&B, and Don

this is real life. This is a true reality show. THIS ... I couldn't make UP stuff like this!

Ok, ok, ok... see it apparently all started with Rankin & Bass.

Pure genius ... that hair ... Mister "Green Christmas" ... Mister "Hundred-and-One" ... the Heat Miser! Sing it with me! (Well, on second thought, don't want to scare the cat and the concrete dog... again)

Now, things got a little out of hand a number of years later.
There's just no explaining this one. Don King thought he was inspired - we all thought he was on-fired. As time would bear out, Don's just a little screwy, just a little wierd, and we've all come to understand that. It's expected even. You see the hair, you turn of the sanity checker.

But this one ... well, it just goes BEYOND any bizarre fashion statement that I could ever have imagined. I know what they say about fashion running full circle every couple of decades, but really now...

QUICK! SOMEONE GET A FIREHOSE, THIS WOMAN'S SET HER HAIR WITH PROPANE AND THROWN A MATCH IN IT! NOTHING BURNS BLUE LIKE NATURAL GAS!

Oh mother of mumford - and Charles married that thing? Or maybe ... anyone have Charles' telly # handy? I think I know of a medical procedure to correct that problem. Maybe it was all a bad easter-egg coloring experience that got more out of hand than anyone could imagine. "But ... Mommy ... her head's so BIG ..." With a mane like that, it won't take long for a Nike swoosh to appear just off-center.

Criminy.

The spine of an earthworm

But you see ... I needed them ...

(Hey, the shirt is for my daughter, and it's signed by one of her FAVE drivers. So, this is a parenting expense!)

When one's spine goes missing

It's not my fault. Rather, it won't be.

Some people drink too much. Some people indulge in rather risky and illegal behavior. Others, still, take part in rather unhealthy practices. All in the pursuit of personal happiness (or whatever it is that they tend to believe will make them happy). Me ... I follow open-wheel racing.

Oh sure, that American adult bumper-car fascination known as "NASCAR" has its moments (2 per year, in fact, when they race on real race courses with right-hand turns and no unnatural banking), but it's completely unreliable. And let's face it folks - "rubbing" is for cleaning floors, erasing mistakes in pencil, and perhaps auto-body polish, but it AIN'T RACING. And don't call me a hypocrit - I attend the Grandaddy event of the year - the Daytona 500 - each year just to make sure I'm not missing a shift in the tide tantamount to global warming x 100...

Champ Car, IndyCar, Toyota Atlantic (evolving into ChampCar Atlantic), GP2, Infiniti Pro Series, A1 Grand Prix and of course Formula 1 (even if it does tend to take itself too seriously as of late) epitomize the real deal. Hell, I'll even take some REAL covered-wheel racing in the likes of the American Le Mans Series any day over the draft-and-dump tactics used by the good ol' boys.

So, what's a real race like myself to do when Paul Stoddart, long-time real racing insider, flamboyant F1 team owner, and acknowledged Aussie odd-ball decides to auction off some 1800 lots of his collection of Tyrrell, Arrows, Jordan, BAR and of course Minardi "bits and pieces"? 22 actual F1 cars! Front wing assemblies ... barge boards ... news and used 10-cyl Hart and Cosworth piston sets (with and without con rods) ... assorted gearbox spares ... gearbox housings ... oil resevoirs ... team shirts ... autographed visors ... official team socks (ok, that's getting a little ridiculous)?!

I could use an Arrows Lost-Boys/Red bull front nose assembly (lot 1057, but who's really taking notes?) to add to my collection of race cars. Ok, so my cars are all manufactured by Lego with labor from moi, but it's a starting point! Or perhaps some really COOL gearbox components! I mean REALLY!

Hold on ... need to dab at my mouth ...

So see, when there's this much quality stuff to be had, when you can watch the bidding live on the 'net on Saturday and Sunday, when you can have the privilege of calling in to LEDBURY, HEREFORDSHIRE, England when you are ready to actually place your bids (which are only subject to the applicable UK VAT tax, the 15% web bidders premium to pay for the auctioning firm, and then whatever minor amount it would cost to ship the lot to your home in backwoods TN), who could resist?

Well, ok, so my kids and wife do need to eat. And we are somewhat partial to the roof and the house. And clothes are a pretty nice thing too.

So, yeah, I made sure I had my priorities straight and showed some "spine". I only registered with the auctioneers so that I could WATCH the auction live. You know ... just to see how much I could have lost had I been so spineless as to engage in bidding...